Zero to ten

Today started off pretty crappy. It was one of those days that if there was something to forget, it would be forgotten. My mood was just overall bad. Things that are usually small that I ignore were suddenly huge pains. I wish I had a good reason for this. I get like that sometimes- I have days in which I can get so emotionally distressed for no reason at all.

And usually on those days I just try to lay low and until I can sleep off the feeling at night.

Unfortunately today the feeling set in on my way to class. I was already forgetting things and rushing, but I thought that was fine because I was doing fine and sometimes I thrive on just a little bit of stress. But then, driving to campus today, I started thinking depressing thoughts- almost to the point that I started crying.

Then I knew it was one of those days.

My mom always tells me that I have control over how I feel, but on days like those I feel like I'm totally out of control of myself. That's probably the worst feeling of them all.

But today was different.

I went straight into my house and sat on my bed with the laptop (something I haven't done since I finally got a desk for it). My mom, predictably, came in wanting to probe my brain to find out what was wrong.

"Everything," I answered, "so absolutely nothing."

She looked confused for a while, then understood what I meant. I -know- that when I start feeling like everything is wrong, that I'm just having one of my crazy emotional days. So, when I feel like everything is wrong, it's really just my feeling at the moment about small things that don't usually even matter to me.

So she left me alone.

There was still dinner, so I knew I couldn't just give myself the space I wanted until it was time for bed. So I began "Operation: Cheer Self Up."

It started off in an unexpected way, I found that my webdrama had a new episode, so I checked it out. It was the first "blog" of one of the newer characters. I don't really like her too much yet, but she mentioned that she draws when she doesn't feel like herself.

I have the artistic skill of an uncoordinated chimpanzee, but I've always liked randomly drawing anyway.

So I opened up the paint program (nothing fancy) and just started drawing.


I wrote my name in the NEATEST way I've seen in my ENTIRE life- which made me kind of happy in itself, then I suddenly started drawing a weird cat next to my name. I thought it looked old. "Julia is an old cat" it says.

I laughed a little, I like being silly sometimes.

(What do you mean "sometimes?")

Then I continued more random drawing.



I honestly don't know what the deal is with that guy, but he's pretty cool. (lol)

Then I JUST randomly drew this-



I spent a good while staring at what I drew without even thinking about it, trying to figure out what exactly I ended up drawing. Then I colored----!



I like this. It isn't artistic or anything, it just cheered me up.

I'm not going to run around saying I'm an artist- like I said before "uncoordinated chimpanzee." I just had fun with it and thought I'd put it here. :)

Then I changed my desktop picture (NOT to any of the above pictures) and a couple of other things, then played this game I'm addicted to on facebook a little bit.

I felt SO MUCH better.

The real point is that I finally found other solutions than sleeping. I guess it IS true that I can control how I feel (although I do -still- think I require space during these times). I feel a lot stronger now. Wooo hooo!


P.s. When you spellcheck your comments, make sure to lamecheck them while you're at it. Thaaaaaaaanks. The management will not be responsible for comments that may come as a result to lame commenting. (I'm kind of expecting the mother of all annoying comments here.)