Whine whine whine

Was my myspace blog like this? Constantly complaining? I don't know- I think I did more silly blogs there. Maybe because I took myspace (with it's cheesy ads and such) a lot less seriously than I take blogger.

Scratch that theory--- I've come close to doing some of my sillier kinds of blogs a few times lately, I just haven't been feeling up to it.

(Although it's probably true that I had a hard time taking MySpace seriously even when I was on it all of the time.

...but the idea of stating that I am 'serious' about blogspot is kind of funny too. It's a blog, Julia, calm down. Geeze. People can take these things way too seriously sometimes.)

Really, though, I don't like complaining or feeling like people think I'm complaining. Look, I -know- that probably over three quarters of the world's population have it sooooo much worse than me. I had friend growing up who always had it rough and whenever I would try to tell her something that was bothering me I'd always feel so selfish and stupid because my problems were always NOTHING compared to hers. I'm still like that. I compare myself to the world in terms of "suffering" and I know I have very little and then I feel stupid for ever making a deal of my problems in the first place.

I guess that's why I mostly keep things to myself. And blog.

Although sometimes I feel selfish and stupid when I blog, too.

Which is why I'm for some reason completely putting off what I originally intended to blog about.

Health problems. Nothing deadly, just a lot of nuisances. It could be a lot worse than it is. I compare myself to the world in terms of illness and I'm rather healthy. I should feel great about that. But instead still sometimes I get so frustrated with myself and my limits.

I'm like this anyway- I look at my achievements and what I do everyday and compare them to the world (as I see it anyway) and I feel like I feel so lazy and incompetent. Even though people CONSTANTLY tell me I'm the complete opposite I just can't bring myself to believe it.

I'm tired most of the time. Usually it's only until a few hours after I wake up that I actually feel refreshed. I try to get lots of sleep, but while other people can sleep when they're tired, I'm very used to being tired and not sleeping (because otherwise I wouldn't get much done.) I get "brain fog" sometimes that makes it kind of difficult for me to focus now and then- I can't control when that happens. I get drained in social situations with a lot of people and conversations and I start to retreat into my mind a little to recover- of course, when people mistake this for being bored and start giving me more attention it doesn't really help.

It is so frustrating.

I guess it's how I feel today.

I mentioned in a previous blog that there was going to be a change on Monday, but I didn't want to talk about it because there was still a chance I might fall flat on my face. Until now, I was prepared not to bring this up unless it was an insured victory.

But I'll talk about it anyway.

I'm trying to take up exercise again. It's really hard for me because of my "limits" and my previous attempts have been very discouraging. I took it easy today, but I'm bummed that, despite that, I'm still rather sore. Plus I'm really tired today too. But I don't plan on giving up this time on the exercising. I'm just going to take it easy... and maybe it'll end up decreasing my limits.

Ugh, I really don't like talking about health. I always feel like I make it sound a lot worse than it really is. Like today I'm feeling frustrated, but I'm not like this all of the time.

I lost my train of thought.

Brain fog??? Haha.

I should wrap this up.

I did end up getting a haircut and plucking my eyebrows. My mood is pretty much back to normal (today's... err.. whatever this is has no relation to last week's downtime.) I am actually feeling pretty cheerful and still (foolishly) optimistically looking forward to my eye doctor appointment on Friday and my MIRACLE CURE (.......I hope. :) )