This morning, I was full of dread. I had a class today with the elementary school teacher that I've had the worst experience with so far. The guy never used me in class, so basically I would end up standing there watching and listening as he relied on the bad recordings from the software that comes with the textbook and speaking to the students in his own terrible English.

Last month, after my last class with him, I actually got fed up with this and complained to the vice principal before I left. This was going to be my first time going to that school since then.

'What approach will the vice principal take?' I wondered as I drove to the school.

I decided that I didn't want a confrontation or apology- I decided that if a meeting was calling between me, him, and the vice principal, I would try to redirect it to something more productive like talking about how I can contribute to the class.

I got to the school about an hour and a half before the class I had with that teacher. They told me to get there early, which made me think there was a meeting, but the teacher's room was empty. This gave me time to think and I decided what I was going to do. The bell rang and teachers started coming back into the teacher room. I engaged in small talk with them to warm up my Japanese so that I could speak as eloquently as possible to the teacher I had issues with.

Finally, five minutes before the class, that teacher walked in and came up to me. I asked him to explain the lesson plan to me. Then, I began telling him bit-by-bit all of the things I can do to play an active part in the lesson- including explaining why it would be more beneficial/helpful to the students. Perhaps my Japanese wasn't perfect, but he understood and I was able to play an active role in the class. It wasn't perfect, but I left the class in a good mood and I think the kids enjoyed it a little bit, too. (And the teacher got to learn some correct English phrases... :) )

I am not sure if the vice principal said anything to him, but I am very glad that I was able to work my way through this in a mature, polite, yet direct way. It's so hard to have issues with people in this country because it can be really hard to balance "politeness" with "directness" in this culture.

At one point, we were doing an activity where he had to ask me a question and I would answer it. I wrote the question he had to ask on the board as if I were doing it for the students, but actually I was doing it just as much. There is an art to being subtle and I wish I mastered it to this extent every day. (....actually, I think I am generally pretty good at that.)

During the next period, I got to join in on a music class with 3rd graders. I attempted to play a song on the recorder with them and tried to sing along with Japanese songs I have never heard before in my life. At one point, the kids had to tally up scores and I actually helped a girl with her math- IN JAPANESE! Crazy, right?

I had lunch with 4th graders and I told the group I was eating with that my brother used to try to get various beverages to come out of nose when I was a kid. I tried to make that happen with the kids sitting around me as they were drinking milk. After everyone hurriedly emptied their milk cartons when I wasn't looking, I entertained them with my ever-growing repertoire of silly facial expressions. (I'm always a little surprised by the number of people who are impressed by them!)

After that I had a class with 6th graders, which was also a very good class.

All in all it was a pretty good day.

Krystina, Bethany- I know it's only been a few days, but I miss chatting with you guys. :) Although you only would have heard me complain all day on Thursday (my time.)

Oh, and hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving. Sorry, I'm just not in the right country to think of that.

It's Sam's birthday (in the US) and what better time than this to chronicle my lifetime aversion to crocodiles.

This applies to alligators, as well. I've been told a few times what the difference between alligators and crocodiles is, but I keep forgetting. For some reason, I figure alligators are a little less creepy than crocodiles- so this blog is about crocodiles.

Ready... set... and GO!

So I was reading an article earlier today talking about fossils that were found in the Sahara of different never before discovered species of crocodiles that once existed. Anyway, the article was in interesting, but somewhere inside of me I felt a feeling I've had from long ago return to me.

I think crocodiles are really terrifying animals. I would have to say that they would probably be near the top of the list of "animals I never want to be near in any kind of circumstance". I guess (like many of my childhood fears), it started from watching something on TV.

Note that I have -never- lived anywhere with crocodiles. Or alligators, for that matter.

(I just searched alligator to find out where those live and just a picture scared the crap out of me. OK- alligators are equally terrifying. From here, this blog will be equally about alligators.)

Ahem... as I was saying. I don't think I've ever even been in an area that has crocodiles or alligators before- and I can't say I really want to.

Most people are afraid of sharks- which makes sense, but really you're safe from them if you just stay out of the water. Crocodiles and alligators can swim and crawl... and alligators can climb trees, too- I can barely do that.

Imagine you're running from an alligator or a crocodile and you're not sure which kind it is, so you don't know whether you can climb a tree to escape or not. o_O (I'm kidding)

OK- so I can pretty much dismiss scary sea animals with the same argument that I used with sharks.

Mammals can be scary animals, but since we are mammals too and most of our domesticated animals that we can develop friendships with are as well, you can predict them a little easier because their mannerisms are familiar.

Birds are just ridiculous. They creep me out sometimes, but they are nowhere as creepy as the reptile family.

Crocodiles. Alligators. They just float there, blending into things and ALL OF THE SUDDEN THEY ATTACK!

"In land they can catch you running. they have even eatean pet dogs. "

.... D:>

These animals have to be the only ones that can totally creep me out just thinking of them.

If you know of a more terrifying animal, let me know- I can't think of one.

(Earlier today, I keep wanting to type "crocolate" instead of "crocodile" for some reason... weird. Guess I had chocolate on the brain.)

This being an anniversary, there ought to be an element of celebration to this. Julia being uninspired (and tired) and myself not a sentient being, this is the best we can do for you right now.

Fireworks!

Enjoy!

Dear Japan,

You'll probably never read this. This letter would probably be lost among thousands of odes, articles, web pages and other publications about you.

This is not a goodbye letter, but rather just an explanation of what's been going on in my head for some time now. You know, to make sure we're on the same page.

I put a lot of my time into you for a very very long time. I've spent most every summer since the end of high school either going to Japan or doing something else Japan related like hosting a student. In return, you've been great to me- you even eventually set me up with a great job with good pay and excellent benefits during a time that most people my age are struggling financially.

I'd say in terms of relationships between a person and something that's not technically human, I'd say we've had a very wonderful, amazing friendship. Although you've probably never particularly noticed me, I've benefited a lot from knowing you.

I started all of this as much a fanatic. People could not say anything bad about you in my presence without getting me angry or defensive. As time flew by I came to know you better and better and I realized that I didn't need to protect you. I came to see your less than admirable points and accepted them. My interest in you became much more balanced.

I moved to your country soon after that happened. I thought that maybe I would skip the "culture shock" period of adapting to the new life due to the fact I already knew many of the shortcomings of your society. Nevertheless, it still happened- I went through a period in which I easily got annoyed at everything. Through it all, however, I never believed that it meant I ever hated or disliked you.

I still like you a lot, Japan, but I don't feel like I can live my life revolving around you anymore. You've done so much for me, but there is so little I can do for you. You have pretty much everything you need except English skills and there are sooo many people in line at this very moment who want to do that for you.

There's a big world out there and I feel like there are a lot of things I can do for it. In the long run, maybe you might benefit a little from what I can do for the world. If it works out that way, I will be glad.

I'm expanding myself and backing away from you a bit (in fact, I've already backed away in many ways), but know that I don't want you out of my life.

When I move back to the US, I don't want it to be the last I see of you. I want to see you many, many more times, but just maybe not the following year or even the year after. It definitely won't be the way it was before. I want to keep learning your kanji and I want to keep practicing Japanese. I wonder, however, is it possible to hang onto you just a little bit? Would you fade out of my life entirely without me realizing it? I suppose I have no way of knowing.

Your friend,
Julia

Happy Birthday to me.

I felt a little bit impatient for my birthday to come this year, I think I felt much the same way last year, but it's not so much looking forward to the birthday itself.

I spent at least half year before now feeling like there is no way I could possibly still be 22 years old. I felt so much older and although weeks and months seem to fly by so quickly, years still seem to take their time.

My birthday felt like vindication- finally I can officially be a little bit closer to the age that I feel.

Which is why what happened last weekend surprised me a bit.

My adult English conversation class took me out for lunch to celebrate my birthday. Of course, a few of the ladies were kind enough to bake cakes for me. So, at one point they were putting the candles on one of the cakes.

23 candles, I confirmed. Yes, I was going to be 23 years old.

So I watched the candles be put on the cake.

'They are being put on too close to each other.' I thought, but kept it to myself.

The candles circled the perimeter of the cake, keeping the same distance that I had believed was too close to possibly work. I had kind of a gnawing feeling somewhere within as I watched almost unable to tear my eyes away. To my bafflement, the way that the candles were spaced out worked perfectly.

I counted the candles to myself, in awe of how many there were. Sure enough, it was 23.

(It had been a few years since I last had a birthday cake with candles, I realized.)

So today I was teaching in my least favorite of my 5th grade classes. I don't quite know why but this particular school seem to have a lot more bratty children than other schools that I go to.

In this class, there's one boy in particular who manages to get on my nerves a lot. Sitting near him, his female classmate seems to find his antics funnier than anything on Earth and is eager to jump in on it.

I was a 5th grade girl once and I'd have to be more dense than Osmium to not know that she has a crush on that boy.

So easily I could end this nonsense by asking her in the middle of the class out loud if she likes him.

So easily I could use preteen awkwardness and peer pressure to make the 5th grade classes a little more bearable.

But I didn't and I won't.

Why?

Because I was once a 5th grade girl and it would be downright evil.

I'm posting this with the assumption that the people who read this blog are people who love me.

Here's a list I suddenly decided to write of the things I want to with my life (at this time, anyway... this list will probably change bit by bit.)

- learn to portray myself better to people who don't know me so well
- take part in making the lives of less privileged people around the world a little better.
- always be moving, changing, growing, and marching to my own drum.
- take an active stand against nuclear weapons and other war methods that harm innocent civilians (or at least be on the team or staff of someone who is).
- learn how to express my thoughts and tell stories well. (And confidently)
- adopt a child (children?) instead of having my own. I just really feel when the time comes, there will already be a lot of children out there who need a safe place to live.-
become well known just enough so that I can go talk shows and tell some people to their faces that they are a**holes (although I'll put it in a slightly more civilized manner).
- learn how to make the people I talk to feel very important (put less importance on myself).
- be a mediator.
- take in foster children. Those kids are usually put through so much and are sometimes not the easiest to relate to, but I just want to be one of those people who are there for them anyway.
-become an amazing person