From http://www.paulsadowski.com/numbers.asp -
---------------
There are 18 letters in your name.
Those 18 letters total to 88
There are 9 vowels and 9 consonants in your name.
What your first name means:
Swedish Female Youth.
Shakespearean Female 'Two Gentlemen of Verona' A lady of Verona, beloved of Proteus.
Latin Female Young. The feminine form of Julius. A character in Shakespeare's play 'Two Gentlemen of Verona'.
Greek Female Feminine form of Julius: Downy. Hairy. Derived from the clan name of Roman dictator Gaius Julius Caesar.
French Female Youthful.
Your number is: 7
The characteristics of #7 are: Analysis, understanding, knowledge, awareness, studious, meditating.
The expression or destiny for #7:
Thought, analysis, introspection, and seclusiveness are all characteristics of the expression number 7. The hallmark of the number 7 is a good mind, and especially good at searching out and finding the truth. You are so very capable of analyzing, judging and discriminating, that very little ever escapes your observation and deep understanding. You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, often becoming an authority on whatever it is your are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor. You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations. You tend to operate on a rather different wavelength, and many of your friends may not really know you very well. The positive aspects of the 7 expression are that you can be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word. You are very logical, and usually employ a quite rational approach to most things you do. You can be so rational at times that you almost seem to lack emotion, and when you are faced with an emotional situation, you may have a bit of a problem coping with it. You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals. At full maturity you are likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual.
If there is an over supply of the number 7 in your makeup, the negative aspects of the number may be apparent. The chief negative of 7 relates to the limited degree of trust that you may have in people. A tendency to be highly introverted can make you a bit on the self-centered side, certainly very much self-contained . Because of this, you are not very adaptable, and you may tend to be overly critical and intolerant. You really like to work alone, at your own pace and in your own way. You neither show or understand emotions very well.
Your Soul Urge number is: 5
A Soul Urge number of 5 means:
The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated.
In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced.
You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don't want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person.
Your Inner Dream number is: 11
An Inner Dream number of 11 means:
You dream of casting the light of illumination; of being the true idealist. You secretly believe there is more to life than we can know or prove, and you would like to be provider of the 'word' from on high.
December 27, 2010
November 18, 2010
Curls
6 days ago, I sat in a chair getting a haircut.
I didn't trust the man cutting my hair at all. He was hard to understand- not just because of his accent, but his method of communication itself seemed rather flawed. Not to mention every time someone walked into the shop, he would spin around quickly to greet them. I found this very disconcerting considering he had sharp objects near my head.
I really missed the place where I used to get my haircut in Japan. It was always very gentle and, although the communication was all in Japanese, I trusted them not to mess up my hair (or stab me accidentally). I hadn't realized how much I would miss that place until I was in this other place.
I ended up there because I told my mom I wanted a haircut and she told me that a place in Prunedale which usually charges more was having a $12 special. While that would be about the same as a Supercuts haircut, I figured that it would likely be a better haircut for cheaper. As a grad school student, naturally, the chance to save money drew me in.
At one point, the said that after he is done cutting my hair he will show me a way I could do my hair for going out.
'Sure, why not?' I thought.
This is what he did....
He took a HANDFUL of mousse and put it in my hair. This alone made me cringe- I don't like having a lot of product in my hair and even when I do put some in, it's only a tiny amount which I sometimes even dilute with water.
Anyway, he covered my hair with mousse, got out a curling iron, and began curling my hair.
I just sat there; my expression irritated.
I've never liked or wanted curls in my hair.
Let's flash back to my childhood, shall we?
Like many other kids, I didn't like to eat the crust on bread (I still don't actually, come to think of it, but I eat it anyway). When my mom and her sisters were younger, they used to be encouraged to eat bread crust by adults who told them that it would make their hair curlier. As the story goes, this was enough to convince them to eat the crust from the bread.
So, naturally, some of them tried to pass on this encouragement to me.
This had an adverse effect- I did not want curly hair, so hearing this made me believe there was even more reason to avoid eating bread crust.
Years later, I watched the movie Mulan and started to envy straight Asian hair.
I was always easy going when someone wanted to curl my hair, but I would always get rid of the curls as soon as I was home again.
Anyway, the guy at the salon I was at tried to charge me eight additional dollars for the styling. I told him that he can't charge someone without telling them and he brought the price back down to $12.
I went back to my mom's house and the mousse-y, curly hair was bothering me. I wanted to determine what I thought of the haircut, but the ridiculousness that I had no wish to replicate was getting in the way. So, I used my mom's shower, washed the mousse hair, and regained my rights to the top my head. It felt like sanity and control re-entered my life.
A few hours later, my mom and I were at the mall in Salinas. We passed by a booth selling straighteners and curlers. A saleswoman was trying to get us to stop. I thought it would be nice to have a good quality straightener, but I don't feel like I have the money to spend, so I kept walking. However, I realized that my mom had stopped and began talking to the woman- I was trapped.
My was was obviously the one who was interested, but since she has very short hair, the saleswoman kept asking me to sit down so she could demonstrate on me. I thought this was ridiculous- she curled part of my hair once and I asked her to straighten it again. From this, you would think that she would understand that I have absolutely no interest in this straighteners ability to also curl, but she curled my hair a second time. My mom was the one who was interested, but she continued to insist on using my hair to demonstrate when that really only communicated that my mom couldn't do these things to her hair anyway.
I really didn't get who exactly she was trying to sell the product to and I was really glad to finally get away. I was baffled that two people curled my hair without my permission in one day.
And that's the story.
It seemed more interesting in my mind.
(I'm willing to bet $238239 that Bethany thought of at least one comment while reading this.
By the way, I don't dislike other people having lots of product in their hair or curls- I just don't like either of those things for myself.)
I didn't trust the man cutting my hair at all. He was hard to understand- not just because of his accent, but his method of communication itself seemed rather flawed. Not to mention every time someone walked into the shop, he would spin around quickly to greet them. I found this very disconcerting considering he had sharp objects near my head.
I really missed the place where I used to get my haircut in Japan. It was always very gentle and, although the communication was all in Japanese, I trusted them not to mess up my hair (or stab me accidentally). I hadn't realized how much I would miss that place until I was in this other place.
I ended up there because I told my mom I wanted a haircut and she told me that a place in Prunedale which usually charges more was having a $12 special. While that would be about the same as a Supercuts haircut, I figured that it would likely be a better haircut for cheaper. As a grad school student, naturally, the chance to save money drew me in.
At one point, the said that after he is done cutting my hair he will show me a way I could do my hair for going out.
'Sure, why not?' I thought.
This is what he did....
He took a HANDFUL of mousse and put it in my hair. This alone made me cringe- I don't like having a lot of product in my hair and even when I do put some in, it's only a tiny amount which I sometimes even dilute with water.
Anyway, he covered my hair with mousse, got out a curling iron, and began curling my hair.
I just sat there; my expression irritated.
I've never liked or wanted curls in my hair.
Let's flash back to my childhood, shall we?
Like many other kids, I didn't like to eat the crust on bread (I still don't actually, come to think of it, but I eat it anyway). When my mom and her sisters were younger, they used to be encouraged to eat bread crust by adults who told them that it would make their hair curlier. As the story goes, this was enough to convince them to eat the crust from the bread.
So, naturally, some of them tried to pass on this encouragement to me.
This had an adverse effect- I did not want curly hair, so hearing this made me believe there was even more reason to avoid eating bread crust.
Years later, I watched the movie Mulan and started to envy straight Asian hair.
I was always easy going when someone wanted to curl my hair, but I would always get rid of the curls as soon as I was home again.
Anyway, the guy at the salon I was at tried to charge me eight additional dollars for the styling. I told him that he can't charge someone without telling them and he brought the price back down to $12.
I went back to my mom's house and the mousse-y, curly hair was bothering me. I wanted to determine what I thought of the haircut, but the ridiculousness that I had no wish to replicate was getting in the way. So, I used my mom's shower, washed the mousse hair, and regained my rights to the top my head. It felt like sanity and control re-entered my life.
A few hours later, my mom and I were at the mall in Salinas. We passed by a booth selling straighteners and curlers. A saleswoman was trying to get us to stop. I thought it would be nice to have a good quality straightener, but I don't feel like I have the money to spend, so I kept walking. However, I realized that my mom had stopped and began talking to the woman- I was trapped.
My was was obviously the one who was interested, but since she has very short hair, the saleswoman kept asking me to sit down so she could demonstrate on me. I thought this was ridiculous- she curled part of my hair once and I asked her to straighten it again. From this, you would think that she would understand that I have absolutely no interest in this straighteners ability to also curl, but she curled my hair a second time. My mom was the one who was interested, but she continued to insist on using my hair to demonstrate when that really only communicated that my mom couldn't do these things to her hair anyway.
I really didn't get who exactly she was trying to sell the product to and I was really glad to finally get away. I was baffled that two people curled my hair without my permission in one day.
And that's the story.
It seemed more interesting in my mind.
(I'm willing to bet $238239 that Bethany thought of at least one comment while reading this.
By the way, I don't dislike other people having lots of product in their hair or curls- I just don't like either of those things for myself.)
November 12, 2010
Keeps getting better
It's way too late to be blogging right now, but I've had this blog in my head for a while and I kind of feel like if I am ever going to get it posted, I should just do it.
At this time in my life, I can say that I truly believe that life is getting better. I'm really enjoying grad school. I'm finding it is in many ways better than JET, which was better than college, which was better than high school. I find myself more inwardly open and able to find niches and friends and in places and through the years my environment has changed gradually to one that has more and more niches and friends available.
I'm not going to lie- I've been stressed and overwhelmed. There is a lot to do and think about as a grad school student. My typical life methodology is to take things step-by-step, but it almost feels like some other students were gifted with extra legs and can take several steps at once. In a way, though, I thrive on that. And, from what I can tell, I'm doing rather well.
I'm pretty sure I've adapted to being at MIIS faster than any other place I've gone to school at or worked at. Maybe it was due to the challenges I faced living alone in Japan, perhaps I am just not phased by things as easily as I used to be.
I'm single and I'm fine with it. I always hear about people feeling empty without someone to be in a relationship with, but I don't feel that way at all. I feel that there are no vacancies in my life. Instead I feel like my life is already full of really good people- all taking up spaces that they belong in. They're not replacing anyone- where they are is unique to them. I might look at a guy and think he's cute and perhaps be a little interested in him. Maybe I might feel a little sad if he's not interested in me, but I wouldn't feel like I'm lacking anything without him.
Society has a lot of expectations.
How you should feel about being single, how you should dress, how you should act...
That's another blog.
I feel like I am too overtired to write this blog. Perhaps I shouldn't have tried.
At this time in my life, I can say that I truly believe that life is getting better. I'm really enjoying grad school. I'm finding it is in many ways better than JET, which was better than college, which was better than high school. I find myself more inwardly open and able to find niches and friends and in places and through the years my environment has changed gradually to one that has more and more niches and friends available.
I'm not going to lie- I've been stressed and overwhelmed. There is a lot to do and think about as a grad school student. My typical life methodology is to take things step-by-step, but it almost feels like some other students were gifted with extra legs and can take several steps at once. In a way, though, I thrive on that. And, from what I can tell, I'm doing rather well.
I'm pretty sure I've adapted to being at MIIS faster than any other place I've gone to school at or worked at. Maybe it was due to the challenges I faced living alone in Japan, perhaps I am just not phased by things as easily as I used to be.
I'm single and I'm fine with it. I always hear about people feeling empty without someone to be in a relationship with, but I don't feel that way at all. I feel that there are no vacancies in my life. Instead I feel like my life is already full of really good people- all taking up spaces that they belong in. They're not replacing anyone- where they are is unique to them. I might look at a guy and think he's cute and perhaps be a little interested in him. Maybe I might feel a little sad if he's not interested in me, but I wouldn't feel like I'm lacking anything without him.
Society has a lot of expectations.
How you should feel about being single, how you should dress, how you should act...
That's another blog.
I feel like I am too overtired to write this blog. Perhaps I shouldn't have tried.
November 07, 2010
Not a real blog
Just a few past blogs of note that motivated me a bit when I found them again--
Applying for a scholarship in 2007.
Visiting my old elementary school also in 2007.
I'll post a real blog sometime soon. I've been writing one in my head and I've been determined to write it. I just haven't had the time.
*sigh*
Applying for a scholarship in 2007.
Visiting my old elementary school also in 2007.
I'll post a real blog sometime soon. I've been writing one in my head and I've been determined to write it. I just haven't had the time.
*sigh*
October 21, 2010
A long awaited update.
I forgot what the template to this blog looked like.
It's been over two months since I last wrote a blog. It's funny- just a few years ago, the blogs just kept coming, but now it just doesn't seem to work that way anymore. I haven't been much of a blogger in years and I am not sure exactly what happened to that.
I thought that returning to student life would mean a return to blogs because my blogging habit pretty much ended when my undergrad life ended, but here I am halfway through my first semester as a grad school student and the blogs have not returned.
But there's no reason for me to fret about it. What's done is done, but it won't stop me from now and then trying to revive the blog creature in my brain.
In a way, I feel like it's never completely died. I've been writing blogs in my head all of the time in the past 2+ years, it's just been that by the time I'm sitting in front of a computer, the train of thought is already miles (or kilometers) away.
I've written a few papers for school so far. It felt strange to be back in the world of writing papers, so it was a little difficult at first. Quickly, I rediscovered aspects of it that I like and ones I really don't like (ex. figuring out how to do citations).
The school has offered me work study, but I've only applied to one job that I haven't heard back from. I'm beginning to feel a lot like I did as an undergrad- like I just want to be a student and I really DON'T want to work at the same time. I'm still fully intending to work, but I still wish I could focus entirely on academics.
Although I seem to be doing well in school, I can't help but feel kind of behind compared to many of the other students. I get the impression that most of the other students at the school have more precise goals and ideas of where they want to end up. For me, I've been studying Japan and Japanese for so long and I want to use my time at MIIS to learn about many other places and cultures.
This week was kind of unusual in that I found myself thinking about potential things I could do in the not-too-distant future. I have random spurts of inspiration every now and then. It's from those times that I can figure out what I plan to do next. I didn't really have any experiences of that in my post-Japan life until this week. As much as I've been enjoying my time at MIIS, it seems like I miss out on a lot having no idea what kind of direction I want to take.
Last night, I was supposed to work on a news article report for my Japanese class, but then ended up doing it much later because I was suddenly struck with the desire to plan the rest of my MIIS semesters and look up some internships. I figured that I've been waiting for months to get that kind of frame of mind to show up and it's worthwhile to neglect a little schoolwork in its favor. Because of that, I was up to about 1 am working on the news article report. Still, I think I made the right decision.
After this week, I have an idea of a region I might want to specialize in conflicts in and an institution that I would love to to an internship with (although I am not sure if I would be able to get in). I've also decided that I want to add a new aspect to my education at MIIS. So, I have a few things to talk to my adviser about.
Between chats and a phone call, I completely lost my train of thought. There was something else I was going to say.
I suppose that means this is it for now. Hopefully, I'll blog again soon.
It's been over two months since I last wrote a blog. It's funny- just a few years ago, the blogs just kept coming, but now it just doesn't seem to work that way anymore. I haven't been much of a blogger in years and I am not sure exactly what happened to that.
I thought that returning to student life would mean a return to blogs because my blogging habit pretty much ended when my undergrad life ended, but here I am halfway through my first semester as a grad school student and the blogs have not returned.
But there's no reason for me to fret about it. What's done is done, but it won't stop me from now and then trying to revive the blog creature in my brain.
In a way, I feel like it's never completely died. I've been writing blogs in my head all of the time in the past 2+ years, it's just been that by the time I'm sitting in front of a computer, the train of thought is already miles (or kilometers) away.
I've written a few papers for school so far. It felt strange to be back in the world of writing papers, so it was a little difficult at first. Quickly, I rediscovered aspects of it that I like and ones I really don't like (ex. figuring out how to do citations).
The school has offered me work study, but I've only applied to one job that I haven't heard back from. I'm beginning to feel a lot like I did as an undergrad- like I just want to be a student and I really DON'T want to work at the same time. I'm still fully intending to work, but I still wish I could focus entirely on academics.
Although I seem to be doing well in school, I can't help but feel kind of behind compared to many of the other students. I get the impression that most of the other students at the school have more precise goals and ideas of where they want to end up. For me, I've been studying Japan and Japanese for so long and I want to use my time at MIIS to learn about many other places and cultures.
This week was kind of unusual in that I found myself thinking about potential things I could do in the not-too-distant future. I have random spurts of inspiration every now and then. It's from those times that I can figure out what I plan to do next. I didn't really have any experiences of that in my post-Japan life until this week. As much as I've been enjoying my time at MIIS, it seems like I miss out on a lot having no idea what kind of direction I want to take.
Last night, I was supposed to work on a news article report for my Japanese class, but then ended up doing it much later because I was suddenly struck with the desire to plan the rest of my MIIS semesters and look up some internships. I figured that I've been waiting for months to get that kind of frame of mind to show up and it's worthwhile to neglect a little schoolwork in its favor. Because of that, I was up to about 1 am working on the news article report. Still, I think I made the right decision.
After this week, I have an idea of a region I might want to specialize in conflicts in and an institution that I would love to to an internship with (although I am not sure if I would be able to get in). I've also decided that I want to add a new aspect to my education at MIIS. So, I have a few things to talk to my adviser about.
Between chats and a phone call, I completely lost my train of thought. There was something else I was going to say.
I suppose that means this is it for now. Hopefully, I'll blog again soon.
August 18, 2010
here again
Well, this is about a month late, but I am back in California. I have a lot to talk about, but no time and energy to, but I think that should get better soon.
Meanwhile, my econ class is starting again...
(posted from my phone)
Meanwhile, my econ class is starting again...
(posted from my phone)
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June 30, 2010
praise vomit
When you're on facebook (or anywhere, really), do you ever notice there are some people who, regardless of what they say or do, always get a bunch of comments praising them? There are always a handful of people posting about how great they are.
I am not one of those people who attract praise in abundance.
Nor will I ever be. Nor do I need to be.
This was a full thought, but now it's gone.
(This is what happens when a person blogs with an awful headache.)
I am not one of those people who attract praise in abundance.
Nor will I ever be. Nor do I need to be.
This was a full thought, but now it's gone.
(This is what happens when a person blogs with an awful headache.)
June 09, 2010
Home Away from Home
I had this blog really well written in my head a few hours ago. I just didn't have a computer in front of me. I could have used my phone, but I worried it wouldn't flow properly. I could have written it down in a notebook, but I worried that I might decide against re-writing it.
And now the tone and the feeling I felt made this a promising blog is gone. It will probably return, but now I am just too caught up in feeling exhausted.
It was in Kagoshima almost 6 years ago that I helped my host sister with her English homework, met an ALT, loved Kagoshima, and put those all together to figure out something I really wanted to do.
It was almost 5 years ago that Aya, who later became my Japanese little sister, came from Kagoshima and stayed at my house for about two weeks. I met other people who were traveling with her and we had a lot of fun together.
It was almost 4 years ago that I traveled around Japan alone and visited Kagoshima for a second time. I started to learn the local culture and area just a little more.
It was almost 3 years ago that Aya came back to stay with my family for a year while she went to school. I became interested in Kagoshima's dialect.
It was almost 2 years ago that I moved to Kagoshima. It became the place where I had both hard times and rewarding experiences.
It was almost 1 year ago that I was leaving Kagoshima to visit my family in California. I imagined what it would be like if I were leaving Kagoshima for good and it kind of broke my heart.
A little over a month ago, I traveled up to Tokyo by bus. I looked at the area around me and saw that the rest of Japan looks a little different from Kagoshima. It kind of made me want to just turn around and go back.
In a little more than a month, I will be leaving Kagoshima. Maybe for good. It's not that I would avoid coming back, I just don't know when or how it could possibly happen.
While I have only lived in Kagoshima technically for two years and spent about 3-4 weeks total in this prefecture before that, Kagoshima was definitely home to me long before I ever lived here.
As of yesterday I have a place to live for when I move back to California. It's in an area that I've always kind of dreamed of living in. This area IS home. I lived about 20 minutes from where the room I will be renting is most of my life. I know I am going to love being back in the familiar climate and able to see and talk to people in my family whenever I want. I will be living just a few blocks from the ocean and I will be studying a subject matter that I really want to learn about. I quite honestly couldn't be more excited.
But I am also kind of sad.
I'm experiencing much of the same thing I experienced two years ago as I prepared to move to Japan. Living in Japan was a dream of mine and I knew it would be great, but moving here meant leaving where I was and everything good about it.
I'm starting to feel myself get upset more easily like I was two years ago. I feel myself holding onto moments more trying to imprint things into my memory.
My life is wonderful here. Yes, I have troubles now and then, but I really couldn't ask for anything better. However, lucky for me, I have another great situation waiting for me. Chances are, yet another really great chance/opportunity will come up and I will have to experience this again.
It's not a bad thing to be sad to leave somewhere. It means that the place was worthwhile and that it made a positive difference to you. It's an even greater thing to sadly leave somewhere great for somewhere else great. I'm extremely excited, but also quite sad. I know I'll end up crying a lot in the near future.
But I am fortunate to feel this way.
And now the tone and the feeling I felt made this a promising blog is gone. It will probably return, but now I am just too caught up in feeling exhausted.
It was in Kagoshima almost 6 years ago that I helped my host sister with her English homework, met an ALT, loved Kagoshima, and put those all together to figure out something I really wanted to do.
It was almost 5 years ago that Aya, who later became my Japanese little sister, came from Kagoshima and stayed at my house for about two weeks. I met other people who were traveling with her and we had a lot of fun together.
It was almost 4 years ago that I traveled around Japan alone and visited Kagoshima for a second time. I started to learn the local culture and area just a little more.
It was almost 3 years ago that Aya came back to stay with my family for a year while she went to school. I became interested in Kagoshima's dialect.
It was almost 2 years ago that I moved to Kagoshima. It became the place where I had both hard times and rewarding experiences.
It was almost 1 year ago that I was leaving Kagoshima to visit my family in California. I imagined what it would be like if I were leaving Kagoshima for good and it kind of broke my heart.
A little over a month ago, I traveled up to Tokyo by bus. I looked at the area around me and saw that the rest of Japan looks a little different from Kagoshima. It kind of made me want to just turn around and go back.
In a little more than a month, I will be leaving Kagoshima. Maybe for good. It's not that I would avoid coming back, I just don't know when or how it could possibly happen.
While I have only lived in Kagoshima technically for two years and spent about 3-4 weeks total in this prefecture before that, Kagoshima was definitely home to me long before I ever lived here.
As of yesterday I have a place to live for when I move back to California. It's in an area that I've always kind of dreamed of living in. This area IS home. I lived about 20 minutes from where the room I will be renting is most of my life. I know I am going to love being back in the familiar climate and able to see and talk to people in my family whenever I want. I will be living just a few blocks from the ocean and I will be studying a subject matter that I really want to learn about. I quite honestly couldn't be more excited.
But I am also kind of sad.
I'm experiencing much of the same thing I experienced two years ago as I prepared to move to Japan. Living in Japan was a dream of mine and I knew it would be great, but moving here meant leaving where I was and everything good about it.
I'm starting to feel myself get upset more easily like I was two years ago. I feel myself holding onto moments more trying to imprint things into my memory.
My life is wonderful here. Yes, I have troubles now and then, but I really couldn't ask for anything better. However, lucky for me, I have another great situation waiting for me. Chances are, yet another really great chance/opportunity will come up and I will have to experience this again.
It's not a bad thing to be sad to leave somewhere. It means that the place was worthwhile and that it made a positive difference to you. It's an even greater thing to sadly leave somewhere great for somewhere else great. I'm extremely excited, but also quite sad. I know I'll end up crying a lot in the near future.
But I am fortunate to feel this way.
May 23, 2010
Getting ready to go home
I just wanted to blog. Give me a moment to form my thoughts together and figure out what to write about.
Well, it's May. About two months from now I will be arriving back in the US to restart live there. I am bound to enter a world of no money, no time, and lots of stress. At the same time, I will be doing something that will motivate and challenge me.
Today's one of those days that I can honestly tell myself that I am excited to leave here.
Admittedly, I had a few rough days last week in which I found myself underestimated and judged based on the fact I am not Japanese and I can't claim that doesn't happen sometimes. In the US I can be identified for who I actually am and I can work towards showing people who underestimate me just how wrong they are.
Today I talked to my supervisor and he is going to work out selling by car with the person I bought the car from. I also scheduled with him to discuss my plane ticket back to the US on Thursday (so I'll have an actual date soon.)
I know when the time comes, I'll probably be really sad to leave, but today I just feel excited.
Meanwhile, the weather has become very humid and rainy. It's already getting pretty warm and it shouldn't be too long before it gets to be hot. The reminder of how hot and humid summers are here makes me kind of glad I am not going to be enduring this one all the way through.
I need to start mailing some of my stuff back to the US. I need to get rid of things that I don't want/need. I need to start cleaning my place for the next ALT who will live there. I need to figure out where I will live back in California.
Two. more. months. :)
And in the meantime, this place isn't half bad.
Well, it's May. About two months from now I will be arriving back in the US to restart live there. I am bound to enter a world of no money, no time, and lots of stress. At the same time, I will be doing something that will motivate and challenge me.
Today's one of those days that I can honestly tell myself that I am excited to leave here.
Admittedly, I had a few rough days last week in which I found myself underestimated and judged based on the fact I am not Japanese and I can't claim that doesn't happen sometimes. In the US I can be identified for who I actually am and I can work towards showing people who underestimate me just how wrong they are.
Today I talked to my supervisor and he is going to work out selling by car with the person I bought the car from. I also scheduled with him to discuss my plane ticket back to the US on Thursday (so I'll have an actual date soon.)
I know when the time comes, I'll probably be really sad to leave, but today I just feel excited.
Meanwhile, the weather has become very humid and rainy. It's already getting pretty warm and it shouldn't be too long before it gets to be hot. The reminder of how hot and humid summers are here makes me kind of glad I am not going to be enduring this one all the way through.
I need to start mailing some of my stuff back to the US. I need to get rid of things that I don't want/need. I need to start cleaning my place for the next ALT who will live there. I need to figure out where I will live back in California.
Two. more. months. :)
And in the meantime, this place isn't half bad.
May 16, 2010
Note to Japan
You're a great country and I really like you, but there's something you really need to understand. Not every Japanese person thinks this way, but there are enough that do to make things really annoying for a foreigner taking residence in your country.
You are a very unique country, Japan, as should be expected from a country that was isolated from the rest of the world for so long. Your language is very difficult to learn and many foreigners have a hard time adapting to your customs.
But, contrary to what some might believe, it IS possible for a foreigner to learn your language and understand your customs. I know that perhaps at some point in their education, many of your people decide that English is impossible for them and they conclude that it would be impossible for them to function in cultures other than their own. They come to believe that Japan is so completely different from other countries that understanding is impossible.
However, they're wrong.
Japan, you are not that unique. You are NOT that special. You just a country! Your people are human just as any one else on this planet. We can learn to understand each other. Your people have created unnecessary barriers that are both restrictive to themselves and annoying for the foreigners that end up having to try to deal with them.
Even in some English lessons, the content is laced with a certain feeling of impossibility and sometimes the English teachers do nothing but make it even more so.
Oh, and for the record, we have technology such as washing machines and computers in other countries.
So next time I am given unasked for, painfully obvious advice about technology, I will not be held responsible for screaming at the person who provides it in my native tongue.
OK, so the last sentence hopefully isn't true... ^^;
You are a very unique country, Japan, as should be expected from a country that was isolated from the rest of the world for so long. Your language is very difficult to learn and many foreigners have a hard time adapting to your customs.
But, contrary to what some might believe, it IS possible for a foreigner to learn your language and understand your customs. I know that perhaps at some point in their education, many of your people decide that English is impossible for them and they conclude that it would be impossible for them to function in cultures other than their own. They come to believe that Japan is so completely different from other countries that understanding is impossible.
However, they're wrong.
Japan, you are not that unique. You are NOT that special. You just a country! Your people are human just as any one else on this planet. We can learn to understand each other. Your people have created unnecessary barriers that are both restrictive to themselves and annoying for the foreigners that end up having to try to deal with them.
Even in some English lessons, the content is laced with a certain feeling of impossibility and sometimes the English teachers do nothing but make it even more so.
Oh, and for the record, we have technology such as washing machines and computers in other countries.
So next time I am given unasked for, painfully obvious advice about technology, I will not be held responsible for screaming at the person who provides it in my native tongue.
OK, so the last sentence hopefully isn't true... ^^;
Blog
I keep writing entries in my head that don't quite make it here. Even if I write them, I'm never quite happy enough with the outcome.
*sigh*
Oh, and I had a concussion for about a week. I think it's better now, though.
*sigh*
Oh, and I had a concussion for about a week. I think it's better now, though.
May 06, 2010
Time's Up!
Or rather it's been up for a while now...
I vaguely recall some indeterminable time ago dropping by this blog and seeing that there was about 6 more days left in the countdown I had off to the side. I made mental note of that, which apparently failed until today.
(I just checked my calendar, however, and noticed that I am only almost two weeks late. *pats self on back*)
A year has passed since I wrote this post and now it's time to share our results!
Now, for me, hearing odd things and getting asked strange questions is far from out of the ordinary. I live in a foreign country and I am always around people who know very little about where I come from. On top of that, I always get questions from people who don't know much about Japan. I've become so immune to this that I almost forget to think anything of it.
So... here's what I got-
1) How is the weather in America? (I actually get asked this one a lot. I'm often tempted to put out a map of the US and start rambling about the weather in different regions.)
2) Are there any clowns in Japan?
3) Do you know where the Pokemon building is?
4) Do you even know how hard it is to get cheese from a dead cow? (asked by Akemi)
5) (I'm out of time, I'll fill this in later)
Comment with yours!!!
I vaguely recall some indeterminable time ago dropping by this blog and seeing that there was about 6 more days left in the countdown I had off to the side. I made mental note of that, which apparently failed until today.
(I just checked my calendar, however, and noticed that I am only almost two weeks late. *pats self on back*)
A year has passed since I wrote this post and now it's time to share our results!
Now, for me, hearing odd things and getting asked strange questions is far from out of the ordinary. I live in a foreign country and I am always around people who know very little about where I come from. On top of that, I always get questions from people who don't know much about Japan. I've become so immune to this that I almost forget to think anything of it.
So... here's what I got-
1) How is the weather in America? (I actually get asked this one a lot. I'm often tempted to put out a map of the US and start rambling about the weather in different regions.)
2) Are there any clowns in Japan?
3) Do you know where the Pokemon building is?
4) Do you even know how hard it is to get cheese from a dead cow? (asked by Akemi)
5) (I'm out of time, I'll fill this in later)
Comment with yours!!!
March 18, 2010
the present
I was going though my old myspace blogs again. I found quite a few that I enjoyed reading. I used to have so much fun blogging and they were so witty (sometimes) and fun to read. I wish I could bring that feeling back.
My wit and randomness has mostly found a home on my twitter account. Actually day to day things aren't really recorded anyone except in chats and emails. It's a shame, though.
Yesterday, I tweeted-
"So I just realized that my tweets are really weird without the context of... umm... the REST of my life. Oh well, you'll live. ;)"
and someone I don't know personally who has been following my replied-
"@Juuleeya Understandable or not, your tweets are entertaining. And that's the point, right?"
It was kind of neat to know that one of the accounts owned by someone I don't know is actually someone who enjoys my tweets and not just some random twitter bot.
I always really like it when other people can appreciate my "mind goo." :D
Anyway, I thought I would link to some of my old blogs that I really liked as I was skimming through this evening-
1) I LOL'd at this SHS drama related dream that I don't even remember having had before.
2) Reading myself wax poetic about curry amused me to no end. (I actually got tired of it after a while living here, but I still really like to eat it someitmes.)
3) I almost passed right over this blog because I don't even like to think about Annie Get Your Gun, but I ended up reading it and really liking what I wrote about it.
4) I just really love the part about the "Certificate of Appreciation."
5) I wish I remembered if I ever found out what this was about. Oh, and I like my lone comment on it. I think it was originally replying to someone.
6) Is it bad that I just realized how out-of-it this blog was this evening? I like the "Perhaps I'll be able to walk on my own soon??" bit.
7) And lastly (but not leastly?), I liked this blog a lot because it's along the same lines that I've been thinking about lately. :)
That was a fun, yet pointless, little blast from past, right?
Soo.... let's blog a little more about the present shall we?
Today in an English class I was co-teaching, there was an activity in the book where one person had to quickly ask the questions and the other person had to answer as quickly as possible. The teacher and I demonstrated with each other. We had to say "yes, I did" to all of the "did you...?" questions for the sake of the next question making sense.
This is how the conversation went when I was answering-
Teacher: What time did you wake up on Sunday?
Me: Noon. (This was true, I was at an open mic night Saturday night and got home at around 2:30. I didn't get to bed until 3:30-ish.)
Teacher: Did you study?
Me: Yes, I did. (Not true)
Teacher: What did you study?
Me: I studied economics. (Well, I have been studying that lately...)
Teacher: Did you play any sports?
Me: Yes, I did. (I most definitely did not.)
Teacher: What did you play?
Me: I played badminton. (went with the sport I like playing the best even if I hardly ever play it.
Teacher: Did you watch TV?
Me: Yes, I did. (...nope)
Teacher: What did you watch?
Me: I watched (at a complete and total loss) the weather.
The weather?? That's all I could think of?
Anyway, I thought that was a fun story.
Krys is still in boot camp now and I've been mailing her letters about once a week. It's funny, sometimes while I'm writing them, I think "wow, I can usually do this whole sit down and write a letter thing..!" but most of the time, I think I'm just blabbing. It seems like the words written in letters are so much more important than emailed words. Especially when email is out of the question right now. I miss chatting with her all of the time... although most of what I talked to her about was entirely pointless.
Anyway, I've been pretty busy these days and I've been enjoying life a lot.
I'm going to be going to Thailand soon. Hurray!
My wit and randomness has mostly found a home on my twitter account. Actually day to day things aren't really recorded anyone except in chats and emails. It's a shame, though.
Yesterday, I tweeted-
"So I just realized that my tweets are really weird without the context of... umm... the REST of my life. Oh well, you'll live. ;)"
and someone I don't know personally who has been following my replied-
"@Juuleeya Understandable or not, your tweets are entertaining. And that's the point, right?"
It was kind of neat to know that one of the accounts owned by someone I don't know is actually someone who enjoys my tweets and not just some random twitter bot.
I always really like it when other people can appreciate my "mind goo." :D
Anyway, I thought I would link to some of my old blogs that I really liked as I was skimming through this evening-
1) I LOL'd at this SHS drama related dream that I don't even remember having had before.
2) Reading myself wax poetic about curry amused me to no end. (I actually got tired of it after a while living here, but I still really like to eat it someitmes.)
3) I almost passed right over this blog because I don't even like to think about Annie Get Your Gun, but I ended up reading it and really liking what I wrote about it.
4) I just really love the part about the "Certificate of Appreciation."
5) I wish I remembered if I ever found out what this was about. Oh, and I like my lone comment on it. I think it was originally replying to someone.
6) Is it bad that I just realized how out-of-it this blog was this evening? I like the "Perhaps I'll be able to walk on my own soon??" bit.
7) And lastly (but not leastly?), I liked this blog a lot because it's along the same lines that I've been thinking about lately. :)
That was a fun, yet pointless, little blast from past, right?
Soo.... let's blog a little more about the present shall we?
Today in an English class I was co-teaching, there was an activity in the book where one person had to quickly ask the questions and the other person had to answer as quickly as possible. The teacher and I demonstrated with each other. We had to say "yes, I did" to all of the "did you...?" questions for the sake of the next question making sense.
This is how the conversation went when I was answering-
Teacher: What time did you wake up on Sunday?
Me: Noon. (This was true, I was at an open mic night Saturday night and got home at around 2:30. I didn't get to bed until 3:30-ish.)
Teacher: Did you study?
Me: Yes, I did. (Not true)
Teacher: What did you study?
Me: I studied economics. (Well, I have been studying that lately...)
Teacher: Did you play any sports?
Me: Yes, I did. (I most definitely did not.)
Teacher: What did you play?
Me: I played badminton. (went with the sport I like playing the best even if I hardly ever play it.
Teacher: Did you watch TV?
Me: Yes, I did. (...nope)
Teacher: What did you watch?
Me: I watched (at a complete and total loss) the weather.
The weather?? That's all I could think of?
Anyway, I thought that was a fun story.
Krys is still in boot camp now and I've been mailing her letters about once a week. It's funny, sometimes while I'm writing them, I think "wow, I can usually do this whole sit down and write a letter thing..!" but most of the time, I think I'm just blabbing. It seems like the words written in letters are so much more important than emailed words. Especially when email is out of the question right now. I miss chatting with her all of the time... although most of what I talked to her about was entirely pointless.
Anyway, I've been pretty busy these days and I've been enjoying life a lot.
I'm going to be going to Thailand soon. Hurray!
March 04, 2010
Hello March
Today was my last day to say goodbye to my graduating 3rd year JHS students. Some of them are really good kids and I am going to miss being their teacher. It makes me sad to see them go. It's funny that I can feel so attached to them when I don't really even know them well at all. Despite the fact I don't know a lot about them and considering how many students I have and how little time I had for each individual student, I learned a lot about their personalities and had fun interacting with them. I think, all and all, I made good use of the time we had together.
A big story in the news today back in the US is the protests of the budget cuts in higher education. I was surprised to hear the enormity of the protests and was sad to hear that so many students had been arrested because of them. I've been calculating how much money I have for grad school over and over these days, so I understood how terrible these students feel to have the impossibility known as "having money" get in the way of their dreams and what they want to achieve.
I think everyone should have a chance to be educated well and at least make an effort to get where they want to go in life. Of course there should be barriers- because, as they say, nothing is worth having that's not worth fighting for, but there's something wrong with the system if the barriers are simply too strong.
Today is a rather sappy day in which I keep getting myself upset over things. Sorry if this blog goes off the emo charts.
A big story in the news today back in the US is the protests of the budget cuts in higher education. I was surprised to hear the enormity of the protests and was sad to hear that so many students had been arrested because of them. I've been calculating how much money I have for grad school over and over these days, so I understood how terrible these students feel to have the impossibility known as "having money" get in the way of their dreams and what they want to achieve.
I think everyone should have a chance to be educated well and at least make an effort to get where they want to go in life. Of course there should be barriers- because, as they say, nothing is worth having that's not worth fighting for, but there's something wrong with the system if the barriers are simply too strong.
Today is a rather sappy day in which I keep getting myself upset over things. Sorry if this blog goes off the emo charts.
February 25, 2010
Opening up?
It's always been very difficult (if not impossible) for me to talk about the things that are really really close to my heart. When I do, I often either make them sound less important than they really are or exaggerate humorously. If it's something I'm really passionate about, I don't like people knowing it. I don't like letting people know what's really important for me because I feel like that gives them the power to destroy it.
But they don't have to have this power. I keep reminding myself of this. If I hold true to what I want and believe in, it won't matter what other people say or do.
Once I start grad school, something I'm very passionate about will be out there in the open. Even now, talking about grad school with everyone I know, I end up opening the door just a crack or a little more letting people know what I want to do... but still very rarely why or how much.
If I am going to be who I want to be, I am going to have to pull that door open and let anyone who would listen know what I am really about.
But these things aren't easy. I feel the door opening gradually at a speed that I can almost call comfortable.
...............
My name is Julia and I will be starting to work on my Masters degree in the fall. I will be entering the International Policy Studies Program at Monterey Institute of International Studies with a concentration on International Conflict Resolution. If time and money permit it, I also want to work towards getting a certificate for Nonproliferation Studies. I want to do this because I dislike the idea of innocent people losing their lives and having to live feeling that they are unsafe. I want to make the world just a little bit safer. I'm especially interested in nonproliferation studies because I've visited Hiroshima and decided that I never want to see that happen again to anyone in the world in my lifetime. I don't need to be an important or well known person, but I just want to make a difference.
Still, beyond this, there is so much I want to do. I think that getting into JET gave me a little taste of what it feels like to really succeed and I am not sure when exactly I will stop wanting more.
.................
Hmm... well, that wasn't much but it's a start.
Because it is so difficult for me to open up to others about what's really important to me, you can imagine how hard it was to up the courage to even apply for this grad school program.
It's all going to be worth it.
I just it's ridiculous that I got over such a barrier and now suddenly I'm constantly obsessing over something as ridiculous as money.
Oh well, MIIS will happen even if I have to get (a) loan(s).
(this blog kind of deteriorated....)
But they don't have to have this power. I keep reminding myself of this. If I hold true to what I want and believe in, it won't matter what other people say or do.
Once I start grad school, something I'm very passionate about will be out there in the open. Even now, talking about grad school with everyone I know, I end up opening the door just a crack or a little more letting people know what I want to do... but still very rarely why or how much.
If I am going to be who I want to be, I am going to have to pull that door open and let anyone who would listen know what I am really about.
But these things aren't easy. I feel the door opening gradually at a speed that I can almost call comfortable.
...............
My name is Julia and I will be starting to work on my Masters degree in the fall. I will be entering the International Policy Studies Program at Monterey Institute of International Studies with a concentration on International Conflict Resolution. If time and money permit it, I also want to work towards getting a certificate for Nonproliferation Studies. I want to do this because I dislike the idea of innocent people losing their lives and having to live feeling that they are unsafe. I want to make the world just a little bit safer. I'm especially interested in nonproliferation studies because I've visited Hiroshima and decided that I never want to see that happen again to anyone in the world in my lifetime. I don't need to be an important or well known person, but I just want to make a difference.
Still, beyond this, there is so much I want to do. I think that getting into JET gave me a little taste of what it feels like to really succeed and I am not sure when exactly I will stop wanting more.
.................
Hmm... well, that wasn't much but it's a start.
Because it is so difficult for me to open up to others about what's really important to me, you can imagine how hard it was to up the courage to even apply for this grad school program.
It's all going to be worth it.
I just it's ridiculous that I got over such a barrier and now suddenly I'm constantly obsessing over something as ridiculous as money.
Oh well, MIIS will happen even if I have to get (a) loan(s).
(this blog kind of deteriorated....)
February 16, 2010
been a while
It seems like I just can't stick to blogging, can I?
So I was sitting at my desk thinking about what things I need to do. I went through the list that had been going through my head for months now.
'Finished that... finished that....'
I ended up confused with an empty list.
Suddenly, 'I guess it's time to return to cleaning your apartment' popped into my head.
"Oh!" I almost said out loud.
I'm not sure why, but my mood has been kind of poor lately. Knowing me, it's probably a combination of a lot of things. Krystina's been off at boot camp for about a week now and it feels like it's been much longer. I find myself in the middle of the day wondering what she's been doing and how she's doing. I wrote her a letter in which I requested that she tell me "everything", but obviously this is snail mail we're talking about so it'll be a while.
I think I've also been experiencing a post-performance slump. My Japanese dance performance was last Thursday and, leading up to it, I was really looking forward to it. And, after just a few hours, it was over. I realized I really started liking dance more knowing there was going to be a performance (the news evidently had the opposite effect on another one of the girls, though. :/) I can't remember if I had post-performance slumps in high school after plays were over, because it probably just would be blended in with the ups and downs I had all of the time in high school.
I've been studying economics on my own. I tried to sign up for classes online for a prerequisite for a class at MIIS, but the teacher told me that it was too late to sign up for the class. I got the text books anyway. Sometimes, MIIS allows students to take an econ test instead of having to take the prerequisite classes, but I am not sure if that will work out for me. However, the textbook has a magical ability to put me to sleep, so that worries me that an economics class would have a similar effect. So, I decided that even if I still have to take these economics classes that I am now studying the textbooks for, it's a good idea to study them now at my own pace so that I can be a good student and perhaps get some interest in the subject.
Besides... I have a lot of work time on my hands with Krystina vanished from the internet.
I started chapter 3 of Macroeconomics yesterday. The concepts so far aren't really complicated- they seem to be almost entirely common sense, but the book choses to discuss these simple concepts in just about the most complicated ways possible. Up until about chapter 5, it's just basic economics info. I checked the Microeconomics book and the first 5 chapters are exactly the same. It's pretty cool to know that when the times comes to start Microecon, I can skip a reasonably sized chunk of the textbook.
Hmm... I think that's all that has been going on with me recently.
So I was sitting at my desk thinking about what things I need to do. I went through the list that had been going through my head for months now.
'Finished that... finished that....'
I ended up confused with an empty list.
Suddenly, 'I guess it's time to return to cleaning your apartment' popped into my head.
"Oh!" I almost said out loud.
I'm not sure why, but my mood has been kind of poor lately. Knowing me, it's probably a combination of a lot of things. Krystina's been off at boot camp for about a week now and it feels like it's been much longer. I find myself in the middle of the day wondering what she's been doing and how she's doing. I wrote her a letter in which I requested that she tell me "everything", but obviously this is snail mail we're talking about so it'll be a while.
I think I've also been experiencing a post-performance slump. My Japanese dance performance was last Thursday and, leading up to it, I was really looking forward to it. And, after just a few hours, it was over. I realized I really started liking dance more knowing there was going to be a performance (the news evidently had the opposite effect on another one of the girls, though. :/) I can't remember if I had post-performance slumps in high school after plays were over, because it probably just would be blended in with the ups and downs I had all of the time in high school.
I've been studying economics on my own. I tried to sign up for classes online for a prerequisite for a class at MIIS, but the teacher told me that it was too late to sign up for the class. I got the text books anyway. Sometimes, MIIS allows students to take an econ test instead of having to take the prerequisite classes, but I am not sure if that will work out for me. However, the textbook has a magical ability to put me to sleep, so that worries me that an economics class would have a similar effect. So, I decided that even if I still have to take these economics classes that I am now studying the textbooks for, it's a good idea to study them now at my own pace so that I can be a good student and perhaps get some interest in the subject.
Besides... I have a lot of work time on my hands with Krystina vanished from the internet.
I started chapter 3 of Macroeconomics yesterday. The concepts so far aren't really complicated- they seem to be almost entirely common sense, but the book choses to discuss these simple concepts in just about the most complicated ways possible. Up until about chapter 5, it's just basic economics info. I checked the Microeconomics book and the first 5 chapters are exactly the same. It's pretty cool to know that when the times comes to start Microecon, I can skip a reasonably sized chunk of the textbook.
Hmm... I think that's all that has been going on with me recently.
January 28, 2010
black things
Remember that blog from last April in which I said that I was finding black things on the ground and that I thought that a rodent had left them?
I concluded that it was not a rodent, but from then on those black things just kept appearing out of nowhere. Sometimes on my bed, sometimes on my kitchen table.
Well, I finally solved that mystery.
I was brushing my hair yesterday when I noticed that my brush was caught on something. After some gentle brushing from the bottom up, something fell into my hand. A black thing.
"It's in my hair, too?" I thought, astonished.
Then I looked at my brush and realized that a parts of my black hairbrush (round things attached to the end of each.... tong?) were falling off.
So that's why they were always appearing all over the place. ><
And that's why I tweeted that I felt like an idiot.
:)
(super glad to know it's not rodent related, though!)
I concluded that it was not a rodent, but from then on those black things just kept appearing out of nowhere. Sometimes on my bed, sometimes on my kitchen table.
Well, I finally solved that mystery.
I was brushing my hair yesterday when I noticed that my brush was caught on something. After some gentle brushing from the bottom up, something fell into my hand. A black thing.
"It's in my hair, too?" I thought, astonished.
Then I looked at my brush and realized that a parts of my black hairbrush (round things attached to the end of each.... tong?) were falling off.
So that's why they were always appearing all over the place. ><
And that's why I tweeted that I felt like an idiot.
:)
(super glad to know it's not rodent related, though!)
January 23, 2010
just a little rant
Sometimes it is just so hard for me to be patient with people.
When I started taking Japanese dance, I was mostly in it for a chance to hang out with some of the other ALT girls and make friends with them. As time went on, though, I started to really like Japanese dance itself.
It's so difficult for me to enjoy things that have precise rules and details that have to be followed. Usually if I don't have a little room to make something a little more my own, I don't care for it.
But I like Japanese dance. I like it even though I am told exactly where to put my feet, exactly how high to lift my arms, etc. I am always told to relax my shoulders- which is something that the pilates instructor is always reminding me to do as well. I came to realize how much tension I put into my shoulders a lot of the time and I think these biweekly reminders to relax them are good for me.
But I have some stress associated with the dance classes and it just seems to increase. Being the member of the group that knows the most Japanese, I have become the translator. My status as the go-between has been slowly but surely wearing me out.
As the translator, I am the one that always has to tell the teacher why someone in the group can't make it to a lesson and, even worse, it is me to has to call and cancel lessons.
It's been increasingly hard for me to be cool about it when someone tells me that they can't come to the lesson. I understand it when it's a good reason (like traveling), but sometimes I feel like the reasons that they tell me can easily just be put aside or worked around.
Tomorrow is a rehearsal for the performance we're putting on in a few weeks and I am really hoping they all show up. During that last practice, our teacher seemed to really think it's important for us all to attend this one and I really don't want to let her down. She's been very kind and generous to us. Plus, this is the rehearsal for the whole show- including the elementary school students class and at least one another group. It's not all about us and we should try to do all that we can to not disrupt the entire rehearsal for everyone else. (The culture plays a big part in this, too. Our teacher is a very traditional old Japanese woman.)
One of the girls in the class actually lashed out at me because she had plans for the day of tomorrow's rehearsal and she said that I should have told her before. This was completely inappropriate because-
A) I told her via facebook chat that I would message her the rehearsal schedule a few days before when she got back into town, but she told me that there's no big difference between hearing the dates then and waiting a few days and finding out what they are at the lesson. So, because she said that, I didn't send them to her.
B1) I played no part whatsoever in the scheduling of said rehearsal. I was JUST translating.
B2) I don't have a copy of her social schedule. I'm sorry that it clashed with the rehearsal schedule, but it's really not my fault at all.
*****sigh*****
I understand that she could have just been irritable and took it out on me. I understand- people do that sometimes. And she apologized later (although she didn't mention whether she remembered TELLING me to not worry about messaging her or not, so I'm a little irked about that.)
What's driving me crazy is being blamed for what I was just translating on top of all of the practices I've had to go to without everyone else there.
And I know it's not always their fault. We had someone with swine flu, people traveling, etc. etc. etc. It's just that this has really made me so tired of being the person in between.
I just want to enjoy dancing and relish the fact that I finally get to perform something again for the first time since graduating high school.
It's so hard to be patient with people sometimes.
Dance class girls- sorry you guys end up reading this. I kind of felt the need to get this out somewhere.
When I started taking Japanese dance, I was mostly in it for a chance to hang out with some of the other ALT girls and make friends with them. As time went on, though, I started to really like Japanese dance itself.
It's so difficult for me to enjoy things that have precise rules and details that have to be followed. Usually if I don't have a little room to make something a little more my own, I don't care for it.
But I like Japanese dance. I like it even though I am told exactly where to put my feet, exactly how high to lift my arms, etc. I am always told to relax my shoulders- which is something that the pilates instructor is always reminding me to do as well. I came to realize how much tension I put into my shoulders a lot of the time and I think these biweekly reminders to relax them are good for me.
But I have some stress associated with the dance classes and it just seems to increase. Being the member of the group that knows the most Japanese, I have become the translator. My status as the go-between has been slowly but surely wearing me out.
As the translator, I am the one that always has to tell the teacher why someone in the group can't make it to a lesson and, even worse, it is me to has to call and cancel lessons.
It's been increasingly hard for me to be cool about it when someone tells me that they can't come to the lesson. I understand it when it's a good reason (like traveling), but sometimes I feel like the reasons that they tell me can easily just be put aside or worked around.
Tomorrow is a rehearsal for the performance we're putting on in a few weeks and I am really hoping they all show up. During that last practice, our teacher seemed to really think it's important for us all to attend this one and I really don't want to let her down. She's been very kind and generous to us. Plus, this is the rehearsal for the whole show- including the elementary school students class and at least one another group. It's not all about us and we should try to do all that we can to not disrupt the entire rehearsal for everyone else. (The culture plays a big part in this, too. Our teacher is a very traditional old Japanese woman.)
One of the girls in the class actually lashed out at me because she had plans for the day of tomorrow's rehearsal and she said that I should have told her before. This was completely inappropriate because-
A) I told her via facebook chat that I would message her the rehearsal schedule a few days before when she got back into town, but she told me that there's no big difference between hearing the dates then and waiting a few days and finding out what they are at the lesson. So, because she said that, I didn't send them to her.
B1) I played no part whatsoever in the scheduling of said rehearsal. I was JUST translating.
B2) I don't have a copy of her social schedule. I'm sorry that it clashed with the rehearsal schedule, but it's really not my fault at all.
*****sigh*****
I understand that she could have just been irritable and took it out on me. I understand- people do that sometimes. And she apologized later (although she didn't mention whether she remembered TELLING me to not worry about messaging her or not, so I'm a little irked about that.)
What's driving me crazy is being blamed for what I was just translating on top of all of the practices I've had to go to without everyone else there.
And I know it's not always their fault. We had someone with swine flu, people traveling, etc. etc. etc. It's just that this has really made me so tired of being the person in between.
I just want to enjoy dancing and relish the fact that I finally get to perform something again for the first time since graduating high school.
It's so hard to be patient with people sometimes.
Dance class girls- sorry you guys end up reading this. I kind of felt the need to get this out somewhere.
January 19, 2010
Mornings
When I set my alarm clocks at night, I choose a song on my iPod to wake up to in the morning very carefully. Sometimes I go for something calm sound so that I am not too surprised when it wakes me and sometimes I choose a song that I think will energize me.
But it's always just noise at 7 am.
I know for a fact I haven't been getting enough sleep.
I pick up my cell phone from the table next to my bed and I check my email and twitter. Yes, I know that I can easily do it on the computer if I just get up- but for a while this worked to help me try to wake up.
This morning, however, I just got disoriented and kept reading the same tweets over and over.
At some point, my cell phone alarm set for 7:05 goes off.
Whether I can get up immediately depends on how cold it is. My main concern is that where I am is warm and outside of that is NOT. All that's in my world at those moments is my bed and the ridiculously high pile of blankets that I feel that I need to have.
But I resolve to get myself to get up.
So I quietly countdown...
"5... 4... 3... 2... 1...."
...and I get up about 15 seconds later.
And then what's usually the worst part of my day is officially over with.
But it's always just noise at 7 am.
I know for a fact I haven't been getting enough sleep.
I pick up my cell phone from the table next to my bed and I check my email and twitter. Yes, I know that I can easily do it on the computer if I just get up- but for a while this worked to help me try to wake up.
This morning, however, I just got disoriented and kept reading the same tweets over and over.
At some point, my cell phone alarm set for 7:05 goes off.
Whether I can get up immediately depends on how cold it is. My main concern is that where I am is warm and outside of that is NOT. All that's in my world at those moments is my bed and the ridiculously high pile of blankets that I feel that I need to have.
But I resolve to get myself to get up.
So I quietly countdown...
"5... 4... 3... 2... 1...."
...and I get up about 15 seconds later.
And then what's usually the worst part of my day is officially over with.
January 17, 2010
Weekly schedules and keeping busy
I think the most interesting aspect of my life these days is my busy schedule. This is probably also the reason why I haven't been blogging so much.
Here's what I do each day of the week-
Mondays- Work, Japanese dance class
Tuesdays- Work, Japanese lesson, gym (a stretching class that involves big bouncy balls)
Wednesdays- Work, Japanese flute (formal lessons started just recently)
Thursday- Work, gym (pilates class)
Friday- Free after work! (usually)
I'm enjoying all of the things that I'm involved with and I love to be busy, but I've been so tired a lot of the time lately.
I've also been working on getting funds for grad school and other preparations for moving back to the US. I signed and turned in the paper saying that I will NOT be re-contracting here in Hioki for another year and it's official.
This should be a very interesting six months.
Here's what I do each day of the week-
Mondays- Work, Japanese dance class
Tuesdays- Work, Japanese lesson, gym (a stretching class that involves big bouncy balls)
Wednesdays- Work, Japanese flute (formal lessons started just recently)
Thursday- Work, gym (pilates class)
Friday- Free after work! (usually)
I'm enjoying all of the things that I'm involved with and I love to be busy, but I've been so tired a lot of the time lately.
I've also been working on getting funds for grad school and other preparations for moving back to the US. I signed and turned in the paper saying that I will NOT be re-contracting here in Hioki for another year and it's official.
This should be a very interesting six months.
Oh well
This blog has gotten pretty heavy compared to how it used to be.
So, I was thinking that I would do something lighthearted here for the first time in a long while and post a photo blog.
But then I uploaded all of the pictures to facebook and realized that the pictures were posted and their stories were told- I didn't really care to write it in blog form anymore.
So in case you live in a cave (I mean, don't have facebook), here is the album that contains the pictures I was going to use here and mooooore.
I still intend to start writing some more fun blogs, but in the meantime you can enjoy my new template. :)
So, I was thinking that I would do something lighthearted here for the first time in a long while and post a photo blog.
But then I uploaded all of the pictures to facebook and realized that the pictures were posted and their stories were told- I didn't really care to write it in blog form anymore.
So in case you live in a cave (I mean, don't have facebook), here is the album that contains the pictures I was going to use here and mooooore.
I still intend to start writing some more fun blogs, but in the meantime you can enjoy my new template. :)
January 11, 2010
on line
Today I learned that I was accepted to grad school.
At first I thought I would be quiet about the acceptance- just in case I decide that I would rather stay in JET for another year. Instead I found myself on just about every internet site posting about it and even telling my classes.
I am psyched, I am disappointed, I am full of anxiety, I am overwhelmed and I'm happy.
I'm up and I'm down.
Not to mention feeling dizzy.
I'm... uhhh... trying to write a blog in this state of mind.
I feel like this came way too simply. Things that are too simple never quite sit right with me. I always expect things that are worth it to have more difficulties than that. I try to satisfy this feeling by telling myself that all I have been doing have been steps to this, but I guess after the huge, stressful leap that was JET, a nice gradual, natural step up is going to feel foreign to me.
My mind is just about everywhere now, but I am not going to try to cover everything now. I have the feeling that this will be the subject of many blogs to come.
Oh! I just realized this is my first blog of the decade! Happy New Year!
At first I thought I would be quiet about the acceptance- just in case I decide that I would rather stay in JET for another year. Instead I found myself on just about every internet site posting about it and even telling my classes.
I am psyched, I am disappointed, I am full of anxiety, I am overwhelmed and I'm happy.
I'm up and I'm down.
Not to mention feeling dizzy.
I'm... uhhh... trying to write a blog in this state of mind.
I feel like this came way too simply. Things that are too simple never quite sit right with me. I always expect things that are worth it to have more difficulties than that. I try to satisfy this feeling by telling myself that all I have been doing have been steps to this, but I guess after the huge, stressful leap that was JET, a nice gradual, natural step up is going to feel foreign to me.
My mind is just about everywhere now, but I am not going to try to cover everything now. I have the feeling that this will be the subject of many blogs to come.
Oh! I just realized this is my first blog of the decade! Happy New Year!
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