Dear Japan (an open letter)

Dear Japan,

You'll probably never read this. This letter would probably be lost among thousands of odes, articles, web pages and other publications about you.

This is not a goodbye letter, but rather just an explanation of what's been going on in my head for some time now. You know, to make sure we're on the same page.

I put a lot of my time into you for a very very long time. I've spent most every summer since the end of high school either going to Japan or doing something else Japan related like hosting a student. In return, you've been great to me- you even eventually set me up with a great job with good pay and excellent benefits during a time that most people my age are struggling financially.

I'd say in terms of relationships between a person and something that's not technically human, I'd say we've had a very wonderful, amazing friendship. Although you've probably never particularly noticed me, I've benefited a lot from knowing you.

I started all of this as much a fanatic. People could not say anything bad about you in my presence without getting me angry or defensive. As time flew by I came to know you better and better and I realized that I didn't need to protect you. I came to see your less than admirable points and accepted them. My interest in you became much more balanced.

I moved to your country soon after that happened. I thought that maybe I would skip the "culture shock" period of adapting to the new life due to the fact I already knew many of the shortcomings of your society. Nevertheless, it still happened- I went through a period in which I easily got annoyed at everything. Through it all, however, I never believed that it meant I ever hated or disliked you.

I still like you a lot, Japan, but I don't feel like I can live my life revolving around you anymore. You've done so much for me, but there is so little I can do for you. You have pretty much everything you need except English skills and there are sooo many people in line at this very moment who want to do that for you.

There's a big world out there and I feel like there are a lot of things I can do for it. In the long run, maybe you might benefit a little from what I can do for the world. If it works out that way, I will be glad.

I'm expanding myself and backing away from you a bit (in fact, I've already backed away in many ways), but know that I don't want you out of my life.

When I move back to the US, I don't want it to be the last I see of you. I want to see you many, many more times, but just maybe not the following year or even the year after. It definitely won't be the way it was before. I want to keep learning your kanji and I want to keep practicing Japanese. I wonder, however, is it possible to hang onto you just a little bit? Would you fade out of my life entirely without me realizing it? I suppose I have no way of knowing.

Your friend,
Julia