Spring break?

I guess it is. That's what my calendar tells me. Still pretty busy though.

The last blog was a tough act to follow- with the sleep deprived element and all. :D

It's not like I'm having a downtime, in fact for the most part it's been the complete opposite.

The funny is that in these past few days I've been feeling like I'm actually the person that people make me out to be. People put out expectations for me and I am meeting them with effort that I just wouldn't be me if I didn't put out.

I feel very much like "myself" when I'm putting out effort towards something.

I tend to get more depressed and worry about who exactly "myself" refers to when my life goes through it's slower periods.

I guess what I can say from this I feel almost every bit the person I want to be as long as I am moving, striving, and walking around secretly imagining that I am wearing a cape.

The last one, of course, is an exaggeration- I definitely don't have that kind of glorified view of myself. But yeah, I'm about 50 times more likely to believe something nice someone says about me when I'm putting out an effort towards something than when I'm not.

What it all comes down to is that I don't like feeling like I'm taking up space or being lazy. I feel so guilty during those times that I couldn't possibly think that I'm as good as I think I should be.

So, I come back to the conclusion that I've already reached about a million times- I gotta keep moving.

Pretty much this was just my train of thought. It wasn't the least bit planned- in fact, I don't even really remember how I started this blog or what I originally planned to do with it.

I guess this is pretty pointless to those of you who... aren't me. But yeah, here it is.

(there might be a slight sleep deprived element in this one too. :D)