Home Away from Home

I had this blog really well written in my head a few hours ago. I just didn't have a computer in front of me. I could have used my phone, but I worried it wouldn't flow properly. I could have written it down in a notebook, but I worried that I might decide against re-writing it.

And now the tone and the feeling I felt made this a promising blog is gone. It will probably return, but now I am just too caught up in feeling exhausted.

It was in Kagoshima almost 6 years ago that I helped my host sister with her English homework, met an ALT, loved Kagoshima, and put those all together to figure out something I really wanted to do.

It was almost 5 years ago that Aya, who later became my Japanese little sister, came from Kagoshima and stayed at my house for about two weeks. I met other people who were traveling with her and we had a lot of fun together.

It was almost 4 years ago that I traveled around Japan alone and visited Kagoshima for a second time. I started to learn the local culture and area just a little more.

It was almost 3 years ago that Aya came back to stay with my family for a year while she went to school. I became interested in Kagoshima's dialect.

It was almost 2 years ago that I moved to Kagoshima. It became the place where I had both hard times and rewarding experiences.

It was almost 1 year ago that I was leaving Kagoshima to visit my family in California. I imagined what it would be like if I were leaving Kagoshima for good and it kind of broke my heart.

A little over a month ago, I traveled up to Tokyo by bus. I looked at the area around me and saw that the rest of Japan looks a little different from Kagoshima. It kind of made me want to just turn around and go back.

In a little more than a month, I will be leaving Kagoshima. Maybe for good. It's not that I would avoid coming back, I just don't know when or how it could possibly happen.

While I have only lived in Kagoshima technically for two years and spent about 3-4 weeks total in this prefecture before that, Kagoshima was definitely home to me long before I ever lived here.

As of yesterday I have a place to live for when I move back to California. It's in an area that I've always kind of dreamed of living in. This area IS home. I lived about 20 minutes from where the room I will be renting is most of my life. I know I am going to love being back in the familiar climate and able to see and talk to people in my family whenever I want. I will be living just a few blocks from the ocean and I will be studying a subject matter that I really want to learn about. I quite honestly couldn't be more excited.

But I am also kind of sad.

I'm experiencing much of the same thing I experienced two years ago as I prepared to move to Japan. Living in Japan was a dream of mine and I knew it would be great, but moving here meant leaving where I was and everything good about it.

I'm starting to feel myself get upset more easily like I was two years ago. I feel myself holding onto moments more trying to imprint things into my memory.

My life is wonderful here. Yes, I have troubles now and then, but I really couldn't ask for anything better. However, lucky for me, I have another great situation waiting for me. Chances are, yet another really great chance/opportunity will come up and I will have to experience this again.

It's not a bad thing to be sad to leave somewhere. It means that the place was worthwhile and that it made a positive difference to you. It's an even greater thing to sadly leave somewhere great for somewhere else great. I'm extremely excited, but also quite sad. I know I'll end up crying a lot in the near future.

But I am fortunate to feel this way.